I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
