I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
