this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize