I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize