Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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