I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
