Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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