this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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