it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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