you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
