Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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