chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
