I accidentally had phone sex last night
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
