sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
