just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
