I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
