Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
