I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
