Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think I just sharted jello shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
