Im at strip club and am horny
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
