one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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