i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
