I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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