If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
