im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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