Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
