is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
