I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
