My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How naked do you want me to be?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
