her vagine was all disorganized.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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