Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
