Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
