come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
