If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
