oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
