Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
