I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
