I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this hospital has no fireball
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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