yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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