I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
