Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
