as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
