I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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