I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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