They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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