I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Text me some of your sweat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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