dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
