I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
