OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
