If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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