it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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