so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
