girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
