my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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