my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
ttyl tear gas
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
last night I used snow as a chaser
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
