I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
