$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
