hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
