So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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