Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
