sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm at about main and main street
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
