worst night to have a conscience
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
