don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
