i was born a porn star she said
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
