Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
