shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you win again, gameday.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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