complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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