New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
