Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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