my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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