I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
