Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
